Today, June 24th, is this blogger's birthday.
I was born sometime after 3 AM EST on the morning of Thursday, June 24, 1976 in a hospital in Chester County, South Carolina, USA -- just 11 days shy of the Bicentennial of America's Independence Day. Back when Gerald Ford was still US President and tripping down stairways and about 10 and a half months before director George Lucas would chance the cinematic world with his epic space opera.
In the now 43 years this blogger has been on this earth, I have had my share of good and bad birthdays, all of them defined by some important moment that took place on each day. Admitting most of my birthdays have been largely forgettable affairs defined by some night out at an amusement park, a trip to the zoo, a mountain hike, or some other outing.
My favorite birthday actually happened the night I turned 17 years old, memorable for the fact that it was the night I lost my V-Card to probably the most awesome young woman I've ever known. She was a 22 year old military brat who was largely responsible for making the summer of 1993 one of the best times of my life, and not entirely because she spent much of it teaching me how to make love -- although I admit that was among the most memorable parts.
But that is actually a story I will tell another time.
Today's Tale of My Existence is the story of the worst birthday moment of my entire life -- well, so far.
It happened when I turned 10 years old.
My grandmother Carolyn (God rest her soul!) took me and my sister, Olivia, out for the day to go see a movie that recently came out: Poltergeist 2: The Other Side.
Now, the original Poltergeist film was released in 1982, and at the time was one of mine and my sister's favorite childhood movies. Yeah, our parents didn't seem to think it would warp our minds, or turn us in serial killers, or anything. God I miss the 80s!
I mean for starters the movie didn't really scare us for the most part, although I confess that the clown scene near the end did give me one or two nightmares at a young age. When I watch it today I still get the shivers when actress Zelda Rubinstein's character Tangina tells them about "the beast". The superb acting and Jerry Goldsmith's musical score for the film are outstanding stuff and made the movie with all of its supernatural terror just fun to watch.
The sequel, while pretty good, doesn't quite live up to the terror and suspense of the original in my personal opinion.
However, at the time it was my birthday and I wanted to see the film in the local theater. So early in the afternoon, my grandmother took us to see it.
Now before I go on, I need to share a very important personal detail with you guys that factors into this story. I have a very weak stomach and do not do well with gross things, either in person, or seeing them on movies and television.
How weak a stomach do I have? Anyone familiar with the expression: "He/She thinks their shit doesn't stink"? I have no such illusions in a literal sense. There are times where even the smell of my own shit when I'm in the bathroom makes me gag. I wish I was joking.
Now, I don't usually puke though, but I do cough, heave, and retch pretty badly. Some of my close family think this is hilarious. I wish I shared their humor most of the time. My sister would take serious advantage of this detail to play some very gross pranks on me in our childhood....and to this day.
There is a scene in Poltergeist II that is particularly gross, and anyone who has seen the film knows the scene I am talking about. It's referred to as the "Vomit Monster" scene. For those of y'all who haven't seen the film, here's the breakdown.
Actor Craig T. Nelson's character, Steven, the father of the family being haunted by the poltergeists, is drinking a bottle of Tequila and swallows the Mescal worm in the bottle. In the scene we clearly see that the worm is alive and possessed by "the beast" which in turn possesses Steven who tries to break up the family. When his wife tells Steven she loves him, he is able to fight off the possession and promptly vomits up the now growing and very disgusting-looking, moisty-snot-looking puke monster.
In the years of watching movies and learning to appreciate how special effects are made, I've seen documentaries on this movie and saw how the vomit monster was made. Now when I see it I know these details and think the scene is pretty rad.
When ten year old, easy puker, me saw that scene; I had no such knowledge. Instead I started to retch so badly that most of the people in the theater turned just in time to see me lean over and puke most of a stomach full of popcorn and soda into what was still a half-full bucket of popcorn sitting in my lap. Even worse, my sister's hand was still in the bucket and she got some of it on her hand and screamed, "Gross!"
Between me puking and Olivia screaming, I could hear several chuckles and some laughing. Not much because everyone wanted to see what happened on the screen more, although a few people did look back once in awhile after the scene ended. One person came and checked on me at the end of the film to make sure I was okay.
I know that I must have embarrassed my poor grandmother more than a little bit, but she was laughing so much at the reaction and did her best to comfort me while doing so.
Actually I was okay after a few minutes, but no more movie popcorn. The bucket was now full of popcorn-covered puke that my grandmother promptly put out of my sight until we were able to throw it away and the end of the film.
And that folks is the tale of the worst birthday experience I have ever had....so far. I hope y'all found it more entertaining than I did at the time -- actually now I think the whole situation is amusing. Let me know in the comments section if you liked this story, and maybe submit a question that you would like to hear me talk about.
Until next time, have a wonderful Dixie Day, and y'all come back now, ya hear?
Now before I go on, I need to share a very important personal detail with you guys that factors into this story. I have a very weak stomach and do not do well with gross things, either in person, or seeing them on movies and television.
How weak a stomach do I have? Anyone familiar with the expression: "He/She thinks their shit doesn't stink"? I have no such illusions in a literal sense. There are times where even the smell of my own shit when I'm in the bathroom makes me gag. I wish I was joking.
Now, I don't usually puke though, but I do cough, heave, and retch pretty badly. Some of my close family think this is hilarious. I wish I shared their humor most of the time. My sister would take serious advantage of this detail to play some very gross pranks on me in our childhood....and to this day.
There is a scene in Poltergeist II that is particularly gross, and anyone who has seen the film knows the scene I am talking about. It's referred to as the "Vomit Monster" scene. For those of y'all who haven't seen the film, here's the breakdown.
Actor Craig T. Nelson's character, Steven, the father of the family being haunted by the poltergeists, is drinking a bottle of Tequila and swallows the Mescal worm in the bottle. In the scene we clearly see that the worm is alive and possessed by "the beast" which in turn possesses Steven who tries to break up the family. When his wife tells Steven she loves him, he is able to fight off the possession and promptly vomits up the now growing and very disgusting-looking, moisty-snot-looking puke monster.
 |
| It was at that moment I couldn't hold it in -- literally! |
In the years of watching movies and learning to appreciate how special effects are made, I've seen documentaries on this movie and saw how the vomit monster was made. Now when I see it I know these details and think the scene is pretty rad.
When ten year old, easy puker, me saw that scene; I had no such knowledge. Instead I started to retch so badly that most of the people in the theater turned just in time to see me lean over and puke most of a stomach full of popcorn and soda into what was still a half-full bucket of popcorn sitting in my lap. Even worse, my sister's hand was still in the bucket and she got some of it on her hand and screamed, "Gross!"
Between me puking and Olivia screaming, I could hear several chuckles and some laughing. Not much because everyone wanted to see what happened on the screen more, although a few people did look back once in awhile after the scene ended. One person came and checked on me at the end of the film to make sure I was okay.
I know that I must have embarrassed my poor grandmother more than a little bit, but she was laughing so much at the reaction and did her best to comfort me while doing so.
Actually I was okay after a few minutes, but no more movie popcorn. The bucket was now full of popcorn-covered puke that my grandmother promptly put out of my sight until we were able to throw it away and the end of the film.
And that folks is the tale of the worst birthday experience I have ever had....so far. I hope y'all found it more entertaining than I did at the time -- actually now I think the whole situation is amusing. Let me know in the comments section if you liked this story, and maybe submit a question that you would like to hear me talk about.
Until next time, have a wonderful Dixie Day, and y'all come back now, ya hear?
