Showing posts with label Parody. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parody. Show all posts

Sunday, December 24, 2023

Remembering The Christmas Eve Nakatomi Hostage Crisis 35 Years Later

 

Thirty-five years ago on Christmas Eve, 1988, the city of Los Angeles, California, U.S.A. was the scene of the bloodiest international terrorist attacks on American soil in the 20th century.

Early in the evening of December 24th, just after sunset, a group of thirteen heavily armed mercenary terrorists seized control of the forty story Nakatomi Plaza Building, taking hostage nearly 30 employees who had been enjoying a private Christmas office party on one of the upper floors.

In addition to taking hostages, the terrorists also began to fortify their position in the building with a portable guided rocket launcher and planting C-4 plastic explosive charges. They also cut all landlines effectively cutting communication with the outside world and locked down the building's security system sealing off any way in or out.

The leader of the terror group -- later dubbed the "Gruber Gang" -- was a German-born radical, Hans Gruber. The hostages were rounded up and secured by the terrorists, while Gruber took away one of the top-ranking Nakatomi corporate executives,
Joseph Yoshinobu Takagi, whom he later executed in cold blood for failure to provide information to the terrorists, and to make an example for the other hostages

The infamous "Gruber Gang" in the Nakatomi Plaza Building. Hans Gruber is seated in the middle.
Photo was taken by one of the hostages.

Later in the evening, a fire alarm was pulled at the Nakatomi Building; the first alert to the outside world that something was amiss. This alert, however, was called off by the terrorists posing as the building's security.

Half an hour later, an emergency broadcast was sent out by an unknown caller using a CB radio alerting the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) about the terrorist situation. This was initially believed to be a hoax, until LAPD officer Sergeant Al Powell stumbled into the situation and called for backup assistance.

The man who alerted the LAPD of the situation was an unexpected fly in the ointment to the Gruber Gang's plans:
New York City Police Department (NYPD) detective named John McClane, a man 3,000 miles from his jurisdiction visiting his then estranged wife, one of the executives attending the office party.

Detective McClane managed to evade the terrorists taking over the building, armed only with his service pistol against men with automatic weapons. He was also reported later to have been barefoot throughout the crisis, having left his shoes in one of the restrooms before the takeover took place.

In attempting to attract outside attention to the deadly situation, McClane was forced to kill one of the terrorists after the failed fire alarm. Through a captured walkie-talkie radio he confiscated that the terrorists used to communicate, he sent out the radio message. Later, he would communicate with Sergeant Powell using the alias "Roy" (apparently in honor of Hollywood western star Roy Rogers) to relay information about what was happening inside the building.

McClane would also reportedly taunt Gruber himself over the radio.

Despite assisting the LAPD in reporting on the crisis, the police officer in charge, Deputy Chief
Dwayne T. Robinson, was skeptical of McClane's claims. This despite protests from Powell, who correctly suspected their new ally was a police officer. In spite of McClane's warning about the number of terrorists and their hardware, Robinson gave the go-ahead for a SWAT Team attack, with disastrous results for the police.

Despite the situation being reported, the Gruber Gang were more than ready for an inevitable police confrontation. The entry points to the building were manned by terrorists who wounded four SWAT Team members. Robinson then sent in an armored ram to try and force entry into the building, only for the vehicle and the two officers inside to be killed when the terrorists deployed their portable guided missiles, destroying the armored car. 

The Gruber Gang might have added four more SWAT Team members to the death toll, if not for the intervention of McClane. The besieged police officer used a pound of captured C-4 to destroy the rocket launcher and kill two more of the terrorists -- as well as heavily damage one floor of the Nakatomi Plaza Building in the process.

McClane's identity would become known to all, including the LAPD and the news media outlets when Gruber contacted McClane to make him aware he knew who was interfering with his plan. This was thanks to the foolish efforts of another Nakatomi executive, Harry Ellis, who tried to negotiate a peaceful resolution. When McClane failed to give himself up, Gruber murdered Ellis as he had with Takagi just a couple hours before.

Not long after McClane's intervention and the murder of Ellis, Gruber himself contacted the police and sent out a list of demands in exchange for the lives of the hostages. These demands included the release of several terrorist group members imprisoned in Northern Ireland, Canada, and Sri Lanka. Gruber then demanded helicopters on the roof ready to fly him and his gang away once his demands were met.

The true goal of Gruber's call, and his takeover of the Nakatomi Building had nothing to do with liberating fellow revolutionary radicals. This would later be proved to be a tactic used to buy time until the arrival of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) in order to implement the next step of his master plan.


The true goal of the Gruber Gang was to use the terrorist attack as a front in order to steal $640 million U.S. dollars worth in negotiable bearer bonds secured in the vault of the Nakatomi Building. The plan was brilliantly conceived by Gruber himself to use the FBI's own tactics for dealing with terrorist threats against them in order to gain access to the vault once the buildings power grid was cut off.


The second half of the plan was to be more nefarious.

Again anticipating FBI's tactics, the Gruber Gang were going to put the hostages on the roof, which had been heavily wired with C-4. Once the helicopters were to touch down, the explosives would have been set off, killing everyone in the process. The gang, meanwhile, would have escaped with their loot using a fake emergency service vehicle they'd secured in the buildings parking garage.

Had the Gruber Gang pulled off this plan, it might have been presumed they perished in the explosion along with the rest of the hostages, instead of escaping with untraceable bonds.

The roof of the Nakatomi Building was later blown, causing even more damage to the structure. Thanks to the heroic efforts of McClane, none of the hostages were killed....although two FBI military helicopters were destroyed in the blast along with at least eight personnel (among them two FBI agents named Johnson and Johnson -- apparently no relations) who lost their lives in the blast.

Detective McClane managed to foil the Gruber Gang's plot and finish off the remaining terrorists, including Gruber himself, in a final showdown near the vault. Hans Gruber, the mastermind of the terrorist heist plot, would fall 30 stories to his death.

Only one of the Gruber Gang would be captured alive thanks to the unlikely assistance of a limo driver, Argyle White, who had also been trapped inside the building in the parking garage.


The final bloody death toll for the Nakatomi Hostage Crisis was 26 people killed, including:

2 Nakatomi Building security guards.
2 Nakatomi corporation executives.
2 L.A. Police Swat Team members in an armored car.
2 FBI agents.
6 Military helicopter pilots and support personnel.

12 of the Gruber Gang terrorists (including Gruber himself)

Detective John McClane, the hero cop of Nakatomi Plaza, following the crisis with his wife,
Holly Genarro-McClane who had been among the hostages.

At least another four L.A.P.D. Swat Team men were badly wounded in the failed attempt to move into the building, but survived. Also wounded in the attack was McClaine, who survived being shot and blood loss due to severe lacerations to his bare feet; as well as Sergeant Powell, who suffered minor head lacerations. 

Also a television news reporter,
Richard Thornburg, suffered the loss of two teeth and a bloody nose after being punch in the face by Holly Genarro-McClane in response to a stupid question....no charges were filed since everyone on scene agreed he was kind-of a dick.

John McClane would go on to receive a commendation for his heroism and minor celebrity status for a short time. He would later be of assistance in foiling another terror plot a few years later in Washington D.C. (ironically during another Christmas weekend), but that's a story for another time. Sergeant Powell would likewise receive a commendation for his efforts.

Let us remember the tragedy and the heroism of the 1988 Nakatomi Hostage Crisis on this 35th anniversary. In the words of John McClane himself, "Yippee-ki-yay, mother f***er!"

Merry Christmas, Y'all, and Never Forget!

Sunday, June 05, 2022

Top 20 Best Advice For Anyone Wanting To Move To South Carolina


Having been born, raised, and lived my whole pseudo-adult life in the Great State of South Carolina -- the living, beating heart of Dixie -- I can tell y'all its a wonderful place to live and settle down roots.

Now if y'all are foreigners (that is anyone not fortunate enough to have been born in South Carolina, nor have family who are native Sandlappers) and want to move here, you'll find that the folks down here in our little corner of God's Country (aka The American Southland) are quite welcoming to new blood -- especially the Skeeters, LOL!

However, if y'all do decide you'd like to live here there are a few friendly bits of advice y'all might want to remember in order to ensure that everyone gets along. These are more guidelines than actual rules, mind you, but its best y'all learn the following twenty pieces of advice when it comes to living in the Palmetto State.

So without further ado, here are the top 20 best pieces of advice for anyone wanting to move to South Carolina:


(1) Save all bacon grease -- you'll be instructed how to use it later.

(2) If y'all run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men (or a daddy's girl who can show the boys how it's done) in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This sorta shits what they live for.

(3) Remember: "Y'all" is singular, "All y'all" is plural, and "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

(4) Get used to the phrase: "It ain't the heat, it's the humidity." Not to mention the collateral phrase: "You call this hot? Just y'all wait till August!"

(5) Don't tell us how y'all did it up there. Remember y'all are immigrants, not missionaries.

(6) If y'all think it's too hot in July, don't worry; it'll cool down in, oh about December, or so.

(7) A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol, a Chevy, Dodge, or Ford is.

(8) If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.

(9) The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade -- especially between June and October.

(10) If you are driving a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road, pull onto the shoulder. That's called "courtesy".

(11) Barbecue means grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors. BBQ is a food group. Learn the difference!

(12) Weddings, funerals, and divorces must always (and I mean ALWAYS) take into account for Clemson Tigers/Carolina Gamecocks College Football games -- especially on Rivalry Day.




(13) Everything is better with Ranch dressing -- Thousand Island if you want to live in Charleston.

(14) DON'T honk your horn at us to be obnoxious, we will sit there until we die.

(15) We pull over and stop for emergency vehicles to pass.

(16) We pull over for funeral processions, turn our music off and men remove hats or caps. Some people put their hand over their heart.

(17) "Bless your Heart" is just a nice, polite Southern way of saying: you're an f***ing idiot.

(18) No mater what kind of carbonated beverage it ain't called "soda" or "pop" -- It's all called Coke.

(19) In small towns near rural areas there will always be a tractor on the two lane when you are running late, so be sure to allow time for that.

(20) If y'all don't like the weather in South Carolina, wait about, oh say 15 minutes, or so; it'll change.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Smells Like Southern Heritage LOL!

It was 25 years ago today on September 24, 1991 that the album Nevermind by the band Nirvana was released. It was widely popular and one of the favorites of this blogger's teenage years. 

One of my favorites from the album was the song: Smells Like Teen Spirit - indeed it is among the best songs and music videos ever recorded according to a number of polls. Another favorite was the hilarious parody of the same song: Smells Like Nirvana by the legendary parody song writer Mr. "Weird Al" Yankovic, as well as a parody of the cover of the album itself.

The famous cover of the baby swimming in the pool reaching for a dollar floating in front of him has been recreated over the years in parody by many people. Recently the baby swimming from the original cover - now an adult - recreated the cover online in honor of the album.

Knowing of my love for parodies and funny memes - as well as my ability to laugh at myself and self-parody - a friend of mine known only by the name "The Anonymous America" did a rather interesting meme from one of my facebook photos a few months back in honor of the anniversary of the famous album cover for Nevermind

LOL I know my blog is UNCENSORED, but....yeah. (Ha ha!)

LOL thanks for that little touch of humor "Anonymous American" and - on a more serious note - my thanks to the memory of the legendary Mr. Kurt Cobain (RIP) and the other members of Nirvana for 25 years of excellence through the gift of music. Your outstanding album was one of the high points of the latter half of my teenage years and I still have the CD in my collection of favorites.