The Day I Conquered The World (Or, How I Won An Epic 10 Player Game Of RISK) -- A Tale Of My Existence

Greetings & Salutations, Y'all!

Its been a few weeks since I posted anything new, sorry about that. I've been busy with work and with some very early spring cleaning -- something I normally do in early March, but just got the itch to do. Being a bit of a procrastinator at times, I know that when I get in the mood to actually do something constructive, its best to strike while the iron's hot.

Unlike the usual house cleaning I do year round, spring cleaning consists of deep cleaning my things, including organizing personal affects I keep in a couple of small trunks in a storage closet -- old photographs, receipts, certificates, and childhood keepsakes. 

It was during this organizing that I came across several pieces of folded paper in an old metal cookie can that included some bowling scores on outings with friends and my two brothers that were at least a decade old.

Okay, I wouldn't say I'm a hoarder exactly, but when it comes to the times I spent with friends and loved ones, those things I try to hold onto. A couple of letters from old teachers. Letters from home and from my grandmother while I was in U.S. Navy boot camp. A letter from a girl that I dated in my mid-20s. There were also a couple of small notepads with the scores of several board games that I played with my brothers and family. All of these brought back some really wonderful memories.

Among all these sentimental keepsakes was a small piece of yellow notepad paper that brought back a memory that couldn't help but make me smile, and (I admit) tear up slightly. It was the score and notes that I took while playing one of the best games of RISK I'd played during the summer I turned 17.

For those who don't know RISK is a military strategy board game centered around world conquest created by Hasbro. It was also the obsession of a certain group of young people in their early 20s and a few friends of mine that I was hanging out with for a big part of one particular summer. It would actually continue to be a game I would continue to obsess over and play later on with another group of close friends the next summer. We were all super nerds and RISK was basically our early 90s version of Dungeons & Dragons.

The summer of 1993 was an especially awesome one for your favorite blogger. It was the summer I turned 17 and hung out with a group of older kids, including a really cool 20 year old military brat named Haylei, who also played a significant role in this particular story.

Before I go on, there's a few things I need to get out of the way about Haylei. She was one of the coolest girls I've ever known, and someone I shared some really awesome memories with in the all-too-brief time I knew her.

The best thing about her was, despite the fact she was pretty cool, Haylei was also a bit of a nerd who introduced me to Japanese anime, and we both shared a huge love for classic Godzilla and Kaiju movies. She was also a complete nerd when it came to horror movies too.

In addition to taking me for long rides on her circa 80s Honda motorcycle, she was also the one who introduced me to the infamous Faces of Death mondo movie series and the ever-popular 1981 Heavy Metal animated fantasy anthology movie....not to mention humbled my cocky ass in several player verses player games on the Super NES.

One more thing my then 16-going-on-17 adolescent self liked was that she was both modest and sexy to a point. While she never showed off too much skin, she always wore ripped jeans and large black t-shirts for her body type, and usually went without a bra so that her awesome breasts were always moving beneath her shirt whenever she moved certain ways.

Needless to say that Haylei was a big reason that I spend about seven weeks of my summer vacation hanging around with college age kids who were house sitting for some neighbors. She also seemed to enjoy hanging around with me in particular for reasons that I didn't quite get at the time. There's actually more to that story, but I might save that for another Tale Of My Existence.

Anyhow, it started out one Saturday evening just as summer was just about to officially begin on the calendar. My 17th birthday was going to be a few days later on the 24th of June.

There were five of us hanging out at the time, your favorite blogger, Haylei, her two house sitting friends Ronald and Cassie, and a younger guy from high school named Gary. Me and Gary were the youngest at 16 and 17 respectively, while the others were in their early 20s. We were also the only ones not smoking weed. I remember that Gary was also annoyed that everyone else wanted to play RISK rather than get in the above ground swimming pool in the back yard.

Ironically, it would be Gary that would come up with the idea that would lead to the subject of this particular Tale Of My Existence.

Ronald, who happened to be the oldest at 22, and a total geek, brought out the newest version of the RISK game that he'd purchased at Walmart earlier that day: the beautiful 1993 RISK game set with the extra-large three-fold illustrated game board and the optional Secret Mission & Capital Capture cards. This will always be my all-time favorite version of the classic game.

The very sex-ay 1993 RISK™ illustrated game board....my all-time favorite version!

Ronald was extremely excited about the idea of opening the brand new game box and playing with the new board and cards, but Gary had something else in mind.

I don't quite remember, verbatim, how the conversation happened; but it started with Gary asking if they could wait till tomorrow to play because he could get more people and they could make the game more interesting. He proposed getting together a real party of more than six people to play using pieces from the old RISK game if need be to have a real high stakes game of world domination.

I remember Ronald's eyes lighting up at the idea and he added the real incentive: everyone who wants to play puts up twenty dollars and the winner gets the full amount. Gary agreed, though they lowered the cost to ten dollars since most everyone who could play would be able to come up with that amount easier. Ten players came up to a grand prize of $100 U.S. dollars, cash to the winner.

Everyone was caught up with excitement over the idea and phone calls were being made to gather a party and pick a time and date. Ultimately we came up with ten people and thus the Epic 10-Player RISK Match was set for the next day, a Sunday.

It was agreed that everyone meet at the house the next day about noon. Ronald even agreed to wait until then to open his new RISK game so that the virgin game pieces and cards would remain untouched and pristine. Like I said, these guys were total nerds.

I wasn't completely immune to the excitement at the prospect of playing in a large game of RISK. Granted, up to this point I had yet to actually win a game with any of these kids and never played a full game -- at most five people at any given time would play -- just being part of a large group of players was enough to get me excited. It also filled me with a desire to do my best and win.

That evening, when I went home (the house they were watching was only a block and a half from where I lived at the time) I spent the evening before the big game re-reading my personal copy of Sun Tzu's The Art Of War in mental preparation. Its a book of axioms that I highly recommend for any personal library of avid military history and strategy game enthusiast. I was completely stoked for the event.
 

I'd already made an alliance with Haylei, with the deal that, should one of us win the game, we'd split the $100 pot 50/50 and celebrate together.

It also turned out that five of the other players also made alliances, including Haylei's two friends (since they were a couple that was bound to happen) and three of the other local players (which included the two of my high school acquaintances, including Gary) choosing to form a Triple Alliance. The others who would be involved opted to try and go it alone, or attempt to make small, temporary truces during the game itself.

I wasn't the only one who was taking the prospect of a 10-player RISK game seriously (or at least the idea of winning $100 seriously). In fact, one person was taking it a bit too seriously: a friend of The Group named Lewis (who will be referred to from this time forward as Lord Wellington -- a name he wanted to be referred to in fact) actually arrived cosplaying as an 18th century British officer complete with Revolutionary War reenactor's red coat and braided whig, with fake Halloween costume campaign medals on the left breast and speaking with a fake aristocratic British accent throughout the game play -- really folks, I'm not making any of this up!

One of my strategies that I resolved before taking part was to do nothing that would make me stand out, or draw too much attention to myself to the other players that I didn't really know. I was already the youngest person in the room, so most of the older kids largely dismissed me anyhow as just an "extra body". This would turn out to be the best strategic move I would make that wasn't done on the game board.

I wore a simple loose-fitting black Motorhead t-shirt and camouflage military surplus cargo pants with a hole above the right knee. Haylei was also wearing a loose black t-shirt with some band I can't remember and worn jeans. She also didn't wear a bra, as usual. In a way it was our own unofficial uniform.

The last person to arrive showed up almost an hour late, but by then the ordered pizzas and drinks were already there so nobody complained too much. Eight guys and two girls were gathered and ready to play. There were also a couple other people there, but they choose to watch and cheer on their friends....and help themselves to the snacks.

Everyone put their ten dollars in an envelope which was bulging with at at least one $20 bill and an assortment of $10, $5, and ten dollars in $1 bills, making the pile look like a much larger amount than just the $100 grand prize.

Ronald finally opened his new game box and we took the time to remove the plastics from the cards and snap off the game pieces from their plastic tabs. Aside from the distinctly four lightly colored pieces from an older version of the game, everything smelled new and even the large dining room table we were using was polished with lemon-scented cleaner beforehand. The windows were open to the afternoon sunshine and there was actually a very slight breeze that day even though it was the first day of summer. I sat near one of these open windows able to enjoy said gusts of air.

Soon though soda cans, beer bottles, and various junk foods would litter the outskirts of the game table -- though I'm glad to report nothing greasy dirtied the game board, and nothing was spilled on the table that day in spite of that. Everyone was taking this seriously.

 
Since Lord Wellington was dressed for the part, he was elected the official DM* of the Epic 10-Player RISK Match -- which in this case meant he was the keeper and distributor of the game cards. He was also the designated keeper of the sacred envelope with the ultimate prize money.

*DM (or Dungeon Master) is the term usually reserved for those who control tabletop role playing fantasy games. Here I'm borrowing the term to describe the person in charge of distributing cards and pieces for the rest of the players because "box guy" or "card person" doesn't seem to work.

Lord Wellington shuffled and then distributed the 42 Territory Cards to everyone. Because there were ten of us, eight people received four cards and two others got the extra fifth territory to start out with. This was determined by each of us rolling the two white Defense dice and the highest two numbers getting the extra cards. Neither me, nor Haylei, managed to get the spare territories; which was actually a good thing since it would have made the two players who did higher priority targets -- and did for one of them right off the bat.

Lord Wellington then asked us which color armies we claimed. Again we rolled for position in choosing. Lord Wellington didn't have to since he was in charge and naturally picked the bright Red pieces. This time I was fortunate enough to roll higher so I picked Gray -- figuring it would make me stand out less. Haylei picked the Green pieces.
 

The four territories I got were: Egypt, Indonesia, Quebec, and Greenland. The latter two were a stroke of good fortune in one regard since they form a connecting defensive pair that you can shift armies back and forth between easily. The only bad part was that Greenland was so large it was a major target. Indonesia was set right at the choke point with Siam and defense of the much coveted and easily defended continent of Australia. Egypt was right in the worst possible place between three major continental battlegrounds.

Haylei got Brazil, Western United States, South Africa, and Eastern Australia (which unfortunately was not connected to Indonesia, so there was no help there in terms of common defense).

We placed one single infantry piece on each of our territories. Before adding our starting armies to the board, we were all given a few moments to consider strategies. We were not allowed to sit next to our allies during the game to avoid giving any pair, or group, an unfair advantage as we rolled clockwise per turn.

Haylei took my hand and led me to the kitchen for sodas where we both agreed that I would take North America and she'd go for South America and Africa and build up from there. Australia we wrote off, but agreed to put enough force there to keep the other two players who had territories there from taking the continent right away for the next couple roles at least. (It actually turned out to take about five turns I think before someone captured the smallest continent from our holding forces.)

We also agreed that, if we needed to take a place one of us held in those territories, it would be fine. Also, if we ended up being the last two standing, that we'd just declare victory and take the split rather than fight the game out between ourselves for another hour or more.

So everyone returned to the table where Lord Wellington already distributed the starting armies to our places at the table. I noticed Lord Wellington hadn't already placed his forces impatiently, waiting to see what the rest of us might do and plan accordingly. Smart. 

Normally in a regular game of RISK, the number of armies that begins the game depends on the number of players: 40 armies for two players: 35 armies each if three players; 30 armies each if four players; 25 armies each if five players; and 20 armies each if six players.

Because this was an Epic 10-Player Game of RISK, all of us pretty much agreed that we'd go with the six-player 20 army rule to start out, but after the first turn of each player, we'd go back to using the regular number of extra armies depending on the number of territories we had. The number of troops given is equal to the number of territories controlled divided by 3 and rounded down to the next integer. 

Four and five territories would be the minimum amount of 3 troops per turn. 

I placed the bulk of my forces on Greenland and Quebec, with only a token force of two or three on Egypt and Indonesia -- I wasn't just going to hand over territory without giving someone a bloody nose in the process! Haylei choose to spread her pieces out somewhat evenly, though kept the highest number on Brazil and South Africa.

The paper I found from the day I won an
Epic 10 Player Game of RISK which showed
the final ranked scores and the territories me
and Haylei started out with -- dated 30 years ago.

 

Okay, before anyone asks me how I remember these exact details, or calls BS on this story, the reason I remember this is because I wrote it down on the notepad papers that I mentioned at the start of this story. I kept a record of the order of the players and their order of elimination. I also wrote down the places that me and Haylei started out with. From this point on though, the rest of how the game went is largely from my memory.

The first round of the game went as usual, each player feeling out and conquering a single, or two territories. Nobody tried to completely take anyone out on the first round largely out of an unspoken sense of gamer etiquette. All that changed beginning with the second round when the first player was swiftly eliminated just before it was my turn to roll.

It was here that something else was decided for this particular game: right of the conqueror. Whenever someone is eliminated, the person who dealt the final blow claims the defeated player's cards. This would ensure the game was more interesting. This would also come to benefit me big time later on.

The next player eliminated in the third round was Ronald's girlfriend, Cassie, who took the loss in stride and sat with her boyfriend to help him for the remainder of his time, which was about one round later. Like Cassie, he took the defeat like a champ.

The next player eliminated in the same round though was anything but gracious about it. He was one of the high schoolers and I remember he got pissed and called us all a "bunch of pussies" and other things in a very high, cracking voice that made him sound like he was going through reverse puberty. Nobody was sympathetic since he bragged about eliminating the first person and thus put a target on himself. He didn't stay very long and left the house still angry he wasn't recognized for the board game god he thought he was. He never came back to play again after that.

Meanwhile, I was slowly taking North America one territory at a time starting with the American east coast and Canadian territories, not drawing too much attention. No bragging, or talking out of turn; just collecting my cards and waiting. I was also watching Haylei do the same, although she was taking more attacks since her territorial ambitions were in the more heavily contested southern continents.

Most everyone else was (more or less) trying to take the heavily contested Asia, Africa, and Europe. Australia was going back-and-forth thanks in part to mine and Haylei's strategy of keeping pieces there to make the players wanting the continent to work hard for it as they diminished their strength against our defensive rolls.

Personally, I never understood why anyone would try and take Asia, or Europe, at once. Both territories are too large and have too many attack points to make holding them easy unless you've grown your army very large. Even then there's no guarantees if the dice don't go your way.

Egos were also becoming a big factor as Gary would turn on his Triple Alliance teammates and try to score their coveted attack cards. It failed and he was soon chopped down to size and became the 6th place holder when he was eliminated by his former allies.

Sadly, Haylei managed to hold out for seven rounds before the last of her territories were captured by Lord Wellington's red pieces. But the good news for me was she came over and sat beside me the rest of the game cheering me on. When it wasn't my turn to roll she would lean against me, chin on my shoulder, hand grasping the back of my chair, and her left boob resting against my upper arm....which wasn't too distracting. She would whisper encouraging words to me and talk shit playfully to the other players.

Two more players were eliminated, leaving only three players: myself, Lord Wellington, and a guy named Ricky who was the last of the now defunct Triple Alliance.

This is when I finally made my move. I used my cards and now full control over North America to get extra armies and launched my attack on Lord Wellington's forces, taking out my first player of the game and taking control of all his cashe of cards -- and also avenging Haylei. I wasn't concerned about the territories, or how my pieces were now spread out. I kept enough in reserve and I'd have my chance to win on the next turn.

Ricky attacked me, trying to make certain I lost at least one territory in each of Europe and North America to ensure I could not get the extra ten men that holding them would have given me. It partly worked, but with the extra cards I took from the conquered Lord Wellington, and the hold I still had on North America and South America, I had close to 30 extra men and began my glorious blitzkrieg across Asia and Africa. I didn't try to take everything at once, but I did take Africa, half of Asia, and kept plenty of soldiers and cavalry ready to defend against the inevitable counter-attack I knew would come.

Ricky, now backed up to half of southern Asia and his control of Australia, realized he couldn't win and graciously conceded the game. It took only about just over two hours and eleven rounds. 

I'd won!

Lewis (the now former Lord Wellington) handed me the envelope and shook my hand congratulating me, as did Ronald, his girlfriend, and Haylei who hugged me tightly....and gave me a kiss on the neck that nearly made my legs go weak for a moment.

There was talk of doing another game for cash later on, although that would never happen again -- nor would there be more than the normal five to six players for another game of RISK at any other time that summer.

As for me, I kept my agreement with Haylei and the two of us split the hundred dollars cash, going out to get some fast food and a movie theater trip later that week. She would also spend some of her share of the prize money on the birthday gifts she would give me a few days later when I officially turned 17 years old. These included: a small silver Claddagh necklace pendant and a large box of brand named condoms -- the later of which were used that night when she took my V-Card and spend the next several weeks that summer teaching me how to make love....but yeah, that's a whole different story entirely. 

Well folks, I hope y'all enjoyed this Tale Of My Existence. Please leave a comment below and let me know what y'all think. Thank y'all for reading and have a wonderful Dixie day, y'all hear!